Check the Rearview
Today, May 1, I ran 3 miles.
At the gym, on the dreadmill, with a couple walk breaks.
But overall, it felt A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I didn't really feel like going, which isn't typical of me at this point in my exercise journey. I am just dying to go and run, and push myself, and DO it, since it has been so long of a convalescence and being unable to do so much.
A month ago, I couldn't walk a half mile. A couple weeks ago, I was still fainting daily. A couple months ago, I had taken down all running paraphernalia from my Wall of Pride- my medals from my races, the bibs, the race pictures. All sore reminders of things that seemed unlikely to ever happen again. Walking, standing, sitting... just being were all big challenges. I could not drive by a canal on a Saturday or Sunday and not feel pangs of jealousy or defeat. I Want to be out there- tackling the long run. Unless you have tried to be a distance runner, I think it is difficult to describe "the long run." The point is not to go run 13 miles as fast as you possibly can, although there are those people who make this their goal. The goal of the long run is to train your mind to overcome the thoughts of "can't" and "stop," and to show yourself that you can and persevere through them. Stronger. Ready to tackle the next even longer run. And each one you learn something about yourself. How to hydrate, how to eat beforehand or during, how to find the bathrooms when you really need them, how long can you hang on without your music, how to stay positive when you are sure you really suck. These long runs had become something I looked forward to, because I knew I could do them. And that made me feel good. That was gone for a long time- and it was hard to imagine it ever coming back.
Obviously, I was not anticipating to be here, in any kind of running place again, right now. The first treadmill run was glorious. I think I actually glowed. You want to appreciate something- take it away completely for a while. In the last 15 days, I have made major improvements in my overall health, and running is a high priority. At first, I've tried to play it somewhat cautious. A mile of walk/jog intervals while supervised. Ok. Then a mile and a half. Again. Twice. Get the PT's approval to go ahead with more... 2 miles. More running. Message running friend and make gym date. Time to up the miles a little more.
If Disney could animate today's run, it would be of that level of epic. A dramatic story of overcoming obstacles, an evil bad guy named Mr. POTS trying to thwart the girl who in true Disney style faints regularly. And of course singing animals. In the end, the girl finds she has the power to overcome him if she just has faith and believes.
Disney guys. Its there.
My run started out unmotivated. But they say never trust the first mile. I put on some of my favorite running jams, and fate moved a runner with a great cadence to the treadmill in front of me. I focused on her and found a zone I had never found before. I just ran. Not getting tired. Not feeling faint. Not distracted. I passed my goal mileage. I decided to go run next to her to finish out 3 miles. I hadn't done 3 yet, but it was easy. I hit stop when I was done, and I wished I could hug this lady runner next to me- she doesn't know what this meant, but to me, it was huge. No joke, I seriously considered stopping her run to hug her. But I didn't. I got down, tears in my eyes, looking for anyone I know. I walked all over my gym before giving up and heading home. If you went to my gym today, you would have gotten a sweaty, tear-filled hug from me, whether you liked it or not.
Because today, I won.
At the gym, on the dreadmill, with a couple walk breaks.
But overall, it felt A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I didn't really feel like going, which isn't typical of me at this point in my exercise journey. I am just dying to go and run, and push myself, and DO it, since it has been so long of a convalescence and being unable to do so much.
A month ago, I couldn't walk a half mile. A couple weeks ago, I was still fainting daily. A couple months ago, I had taken down all running paraphernalia from my Wall of Pride- my medals from my races, the bibs, the race pictures. All sore reminders of things that seemed unlikely to ever happen again. Walking, standing, sitting... just being were all big challenges. I could not drive by a canal on a Saturday or Sunday and not feel pangs of jealousy or defeat. I Want to be out there- tackling the long run. Unless you have tried to be a distance runner, I think it is difficult to describe "the long run." The point is not to go run 13 miles as fast as you possibly can, although there are those people who make this their goal. The goal of the long run is to train your mind to overcome the thoughts of "can't" and "stop," and to show yourself that you can and persevere through them. Stronger. Ready to tackle the next even longer run. And each one you learn something about yourself. How to hydrate, how to eat beforehand or during, how to find the bathrooms when you really need them, how long can you hang on without your music, how to stay positive when you are sure you really suck. These long runs had become something I looked forward to, because I knew I could do them. And that made me feel good. That was gone for a long time- and it was hard to imagine it ever coming back.
Obviously, I was not anticipating to be here, in any kind of running place again, right now. The first treadmill run was glorious. I think I actually glowed. You want to appreciate something- take it away completely for a while. In the last 15 days, I have made major improvements in my overall health, and running is a high priority. At first, I've tried to play it somewhat cautious. A mile of walk/jog intervals while supervised. Ok. Then a mile and a half. Again. Twice. Get the PT's approval to go ahead with more... 2 miles. More running. Message running friend and make gym date. Time to up the miles a little more.
If Disney could animate today's run, it would be of that level of epic. A dramatic story of overcoming obstacles, an evil bad guy named Mr. POTS trying to thwart the girl who in true Disney style faints regularly. And of course singing animals. In the end, the girl finds she has the power to overcome him if she just has faith and believes.
Disney guys. Its there.
My run started out unmotivated. But they say never trust the first mile. I put on some of my favorite running jams, and fate moved a runner with a great cadence to the treadmill in front of me. I focused on her and found a zone I had never found before. I just ran. Not getting tired. Not feeling faint. Not distracted. I passed my goal mileage. I decided to go run next to her to finish out 3 miles. I hadn't done 3 yet, but it was easy. I hit stop when I was done, and I wished I could hug this lady runner next to me- she doesn't know what this meant, but to me, it was huge. No joke, I seriously considered stopping her run to hug her. But I didn't. I got down, tears in my eyes, looking for anyone I know. I walked all over my gym before giving up and heading home. If you went to my gym today, you would have gotten a sweaty, tear-filled hug from me, whether you liked it or not.
Because today, I won.
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