Racing and Letting Go
Grief is a funny thing... sometimes, it hits you out of nowhere. Well, not nowhere. You can see the calendar. But you very carefully ignore the date that is coming. Until something demands full attention about the date. Like an email. I was doing ok- good even- about pushing this date into the back of my mind. I'd see it on the calendar, and it was a painful little reminder of things lost, but I could turn the calendar page or not look at that week, and I was ok. Until the email. The email reminding me of the date approaching. The email pointing out the life lost. Of course, it didn't know that's what it was doing, but it was an anvil none the less. So I made a plan. I was going to challenge the grief, head on. I was looking forward to it. Then everything got derailed again... change of plans, regression, and renewed loss. No opportunity to challenge the grief... instead I have to shy away from it, something I hate doing... My life before POTS was busy. Too busy p...